


all floating in glass

by prunuspersicaarchive (prunuspersica)



Series: homesickness [3]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: 80s Music, Dream Sequence, Homesickness, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Smoking, Songfic, dennis and a child, mentions of suicidal thoughts but nothing explicit, missing each other, songfic for two headed boy by neutral milk hotel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 13:58:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12367209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prunuspersica/pseuds/prunuspersicaarchive
Summary: pt 3ship: macdennisgenre: angstsummary: songfic for two headed boy by neutral milk hotel. mac and dennis are starting to accept the change, but it hurts... a lot. after all, everything will always lead back to destiny or something.





	all floating in glass

**Author's Note:**

> this is pt 3 of homesickness  
> i really enjoyed writing this and i think the series is going to go on for a while  
> i hope to update once a week !!  
> my tumblr is rosydennis

_ Two headed boy, all floating in glass, _

_ The sun, it has passed, now it’s blacker than black. _

_ I can hear as you tap on your jar... _

 

It feels like just days ago that Dennis left. Not that Mac had focused on anything in the month that he’d been gone so far, but it didn’t feel like what it was to Mac. He spent the pensive spring days alone mostly, about five days of the week he would go out and actually tend bar, or follow along with one of the gang’s many schemes. The rest of the days, though primarily sunspotted and bright, brisk and fresh as the plants of Philadelphia budded. Not that Paddy’s had many in close proximity. 

 

Mac’s nights consisted mostly of drinking alone in Dee’s living room and wishing it had a balcony so he could more safely go out and lose himself in a bout of chain-smoking mixed with plenty weed. He also wished that it was higher up, so if it did have a balcony he’d have the opportunity to throw himself off--but he made himself stop those thoughts. He had hope, he knew almost certainly that Dennis would come back. And they’d kiss for the first time in however long and it would be real and they wouldn’t care anymore. Right?

 

_ I am listening to hear where you are, _

_ I am listening to hear where you are. _

 

Little noises reminded him of Dennis. He would hear the spring breeze rustle the parasol-print curtains. Dennis? Charlie came to Dee’s one night extremely high wanting to talk to Dee… He wished it was Dennis. Someone didn’t quite turn the faucet all the way off, and it dripped during the night; Mac would jolt awake wishing for him.  _ Him. _

 

_ Two-headed boy, put on your Sunday shoes, _

_ And dance round the room to accordion keys _

_ With the needle that sings in your heart. _

 

Mac gave up on going to church for the whole month, and though he would have the odd panic that he was disappointing God, it felt good. It felt correct. Good. He listened to Dennis’ music on Sunday mornings now, letting weird, fuzzy mixes of Bryan Adams and 80s one-hit wonders and Rick Astley drown him in synthesized comfort. He’d cook himself a ‘good breakfast’, usually a few eggs with burnt toast. Maybe carbon monoxide and Discman glitches would sustain him.

 

_ Catching signals that sound in the dark _

_ Catching signals that sound in the dark. _

 

Dennis had blocked Mac’s phone number. Right there under the ‘blocked’ numbers, Maureen Ponderosa (he’d have none of the cat bullshit anymore,) and Mac, with the little green heart emoji next to his name. Nobody knew that was his contact but it made him smile a little everytime he would get messages from Mac.

 

_ We will take off our clothes  _

_ And they’ll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine. _

 

Mac had a good morning 25 days after Dennis had left. It was a Sunday, one where he’d blasted “Together Forever” and “You’re The Inspiration” about 20 times each in his tinny, mediocre earbuds. He’d put his pair of light jeans on for the first time in about a year, and that’s what ruined April 2nd: a lipstick stain.

 

Right next to the crotch was an unmistakably burgundy-red smudge. It perfectly matched Dennis’ favourite lipstick, not that he wore it often, but it was his favourite. Charlie pointed it out before Dee and Frank could put two and two together, essentially saving his sorry ass, but it left him shaken for the rest of the day. Charlie’d said, “Hey, that’s a cool stain.” Mac had immediately panicked and changed into a pair of grey sweatpants instead.

 

_ And when all is breaking, _

_ Everything that you could keep inside. _

 

Dennis’ month went by in a blur. Days of watching Brian Jr., a quite docile and happy kid, didn’t do much for him. He didn’t properly care that it was his son most of the time, and just decided it was best to watch the little one. Maybe it would soften him up; years of bartending in the sketchy side of Philly weren’t the best for him.

 

_ Now your eyes ain’t moving _

_ Now they just lay there in their climb… _

 

He tricked himself into thinking he didn’t miss Mac. And that was easy some days, watching his little son play with his blocks and his cars and his plushies, but everything led back to that godforsaken man. He was buried deep in denial, and someone was going to have to dig him out.

 

_ Two headed boy, with pulleys and weights _

_ Creating a radio player just for two. _

 

He tried to kill the nagging memories of Mac, and for the most part he had, drowning them out with alcohol and sleep deprivation. His son didn’t bring him as much joy as he’d hoped, and neither did spending time with Mandy. She still thought he was Brian LaFevre--shit, he’d have to perpetuate the lie for the entirety of his kid’s life if he wanted to “stay true” to Mandy. Isn’t that fucking  _ ironic.  _

 

_ In the parlour with a moon across her face, _

_ And through the music he sweetly displays _

_ Silver speakers that sparkle all day-- _

 

One morning, Mac rummaged through the box of old CDs that Dennis left, hoping to find something other than the 80s bops he’d been listening to non-stop. Nothing caught his eye except for one, which he wouldn’t have found otherwise: a blank CD with “for Mac” written on it, then scribbled out furiously in green Sharpie. His heart stopped for a good, bittersweet moment, and he stuck it into the Discman.

 

“Hey, Mac. I just wanted to make this before I forget and deny I ever thought this, so here it goes...”

 

Dennis’ voice was rough but vulnerable, almost like he’d been crying. Mac’s heart froze yet again, he didn’t even notice he was holding his breath. Was this real?

 

“I’m in love with you. I’m completely in love with you. I don’t know how else to do this… Don’t tell the others. Please. ...I love y--”

 

“Wake up, Mac!” Charlie screeched, pulling the curtains apart to let the sun through.

 

_ Made for his lover who’s floating and choking with her hands across her face, _

_ And in the dark we will take off our clothes _

_ And they’ll be placing fingers through the notches on your spine. _

 

Mac continued on with the day, weakening piece by piece like a Jenga tower every time he thought about Dennis. That day Mandy was home, and decided to let Dennis go out for the afternoon. He had coffee and walked around a little bit, let the sun shine on his pale face like Dee once said he needed to, and it felt fucking awful.

 

_ Two headed boy _

_ There is no reason to grieve, _

 

The day after was back to normal, Dennis just watching Brian Jr. play for most of the day, and nothing felt correct. Dennis making the little kid a grilled cheese, even, just felt wrong. Thoughts go off on tangents and each little twist and turn stung Dennis like a thousand wasps or… something. Grilled cheese sandwiches contain cheese. Like Mac’s famous mac n’ cheese. Everything fucking led back to him and he couldn’t take it.

 

“Mandy?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’ve been perpetuating a lie and I think you need to know.”

  
“I know.”

 

_ The world that you need’s wrapped in gold silver sleeves _

_ Left beneath Christmas trees in the snow. _

 

The night a month later, Mac let his sorrows sing him to sleep and he kind of accepts it. All his manipulation down the drain, he guessed. All his love, all his effort, all his lies… Dennis was gone and Mac’s love didn’t stand a chance. 

 

_ And I will take you and leave you alone _

_ Watching spirals of white softly flow _

_ Over your eyelids and all you did _

_ Will wait until the point when you let go. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> the next part is going to be dennis explaining the lie, and some more...  
> please stay tuned for the next part!  
> my tumblr is rosydennis and my asks are always open !!!!


End file.
